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My Boyfriend Blackmailed and Raped Me 50 Times, and Now in a Relationship with My Best Friend

This happened about two years ago. My boyfriend (ex now) and I went to a concert and figured it would be fun to take some acid drugs. Before I explain any further, my boyfriend was a severe sex addict. If he did not receive sex for a day, he would get angry. Very angry. Or he would stay up all night speaking to girls online asking for nudes and whatnot. This had always been a problem for us since my sex drive was quite average, and he was extremely high.

Before this incident, there were probably about 50 times when he would throw tantrums and would start crying if we didn't have sex. He would threaten to break up with me or he would throw punches at walls etc. I would give in because I have severe abandonment issues and wouldn't want him to leave. So we would have sex when I just was screaming in my head and wanting him to get out of me.

So the night of the acid drug trip we had rented an Airbnb that was about 50 floors high. After the concert, we decided to head over to the Airbnb. At this point, we were about 3 hours into our trip (acid drug lasts about 12ish hours). Right away as we got into the Airbnb I noticed he was starting to bad trip and essentially just really wanted to fuck. I won't go into details because it is very triggering, but essentially, he ended up standing by the window, threatening to jump out if we didn't have sex. This was about 6 hours into our trip, and at this point, we had been going through literal hell. So he had his foot out of the window and was going to jump. I had no idea what to do, so I gave in (again). So he then raped me, and midway I yelled Stop and No. But he would not stop. It was the most extended moment of my life, and I cannot describe the pain I felt. After the trip, I experienced severe trauma, and I thought I stayed with him (I'm an idiot). He would always comfort me and tell me sorry. He would always break down and call himself a rapist and a monster which then I had to reassure him he wasn't (even though he was). I couldn't tell anyone about it and kept it bottled up for two years.

Two years later, he and my best friend of ten years were fucking behind my back and they fell in love. Keep in mind that I had never even told my best friend. My boyfriend was also such a perfect guy until you knew his demons, and I never told anyone, so everyone saw him as this great; now my best friend is with him, and I am super mad at the whole situation and hate them both. At the same time, I am worried for her because he also did many other abusive things to me (hit me, abused my dog etc.). I feel so lost and don't know what to do. I have also not fully healed from the acid trip and always get significant flashbacks, and since we just broke up, it feels like it is even worse now.

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